Permissive vs. Perfect

Pull up a chair, baby. Kick off the heels that you only wore because they matched. Get your mug. Because today we are spilling some holy tea, and I need you to sip slow.

Here it is: not everything God allows is something God authored.

I know. Somebody just set their cup down. Somebody else is clutching a throw pillow. But stay with me, because this one right here could save you a few years, a few tears, and at least one relationship you already know you should have left on red.

We love to say, "Well, if God didn't want it to happen, He would've stopped it." Sssh, because that sounds like you don't know who God is. God is love and love extends freedom and respects our ability to choose. It's the reason God gave us free-will. But what I want to talk to you about today is the difference between your will and what God permits and His perfect will.

Two Wills, One Sovereign God.

Let's get our terms straight before somebody runs off and starts a new denomination.

God's perfect will is what He desires, designed, and delights in. It's the plan He had for you before you had an opinion about it. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end" (Jeremiah 29:11). That's the blueprint. That's the good stuff.

God's permissive will is what He allows, even when it isn't what He prefers. He gave us real choices, and He doesn't snatch the pen out of our hand every time we start writing something foolish. He lets us choose, even when sometimes our choice is wrong.

Now hear me clearly, because I am not about to hand you bad doctrine in a cute font. God is never not in control. Permissive will is not God losing the remote. Nothing slips past Him, nothing surprises Him, and nothing gets the last word over Him. But He is also never the author of sin. James 1:13 shuts that whole conversation down: God tempts no man. When we choose what He warned us against, He can permit it, but He did not plant it.

So the question is never "Is God in control?" Of course He is. The question is, "Am I walking in what He wants, or just in what He allowed?"

Let me take you to 1 Samuel 8, because Israel was the original. The elders came to Samuel and said, in so many words, give us a king so we can look like all the other nations. Not "so we can serve God better." Not "so we can be holy." So we can fit in. Honey, they wanted a king the way some of us want a designer bag: not because we need it, but because we saw it on somebody else.

Samuel, who was a good and viable leader, was hurt. But God told him something that should make every one of us sit up straight: "...they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me." 1 Samuel 8:7.

And here's the part people skip. God didn't just say no. He told Samuel to warn them. He laid out the whole cost: the king would take their sons, their daughters, their fields, their best of everything. Full disclosure. Terms and conditions, in plain print.

And they still said, nay; but we will have a king over us (1 Samuel 8:19).

So God let them have Saul. Tall, handsome, looked the part. Checked every box on the outside and caused a world of trouble on the inside.

That, my sister, is permissive will.

And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.

— Psalm 106:15

Read that again, slowly. You can get the thing and lose the peace. You can have a full hand and an empty spirit. You can get the man, the house, the title, the platform, and still go to bed hungry on the inside. The "leanness into their soul" sheds light on when our will is permitted — a "will" that is not God's perfect will — we will experience "leanness," which is the absence of true fulfillment.

How We Talk Ourselves Into It

Now let's bring it home, because Israel is not the only one who's ever demanded a Saul. We don't usually ask for kings anymore. We ask for things that look a lot more like this:

• The relationship. He's fine. He just doesn't pray, doesn't call, and gets nervous when you mention church. But Lord, look at that smile. You prayed for a husband, and you're about to settle for a hostage situation.
• The job. The money is good, but it costs you your Sundays, your sanity, and your integrity, in that order. You said, "God opened this door." Baby, the devil has keys too.
• The purchase. The car note is bigger than your tithe, your savings, and your patience combined. But it was on sale, so clearly it was ordained.
• The yes. You agreed to lead the committee, host the dinner, and mentor three people, and now you're too tired to hear from the One who called you in the first place.

Perfect will usually comes with peace, even when it's hard. Permissive will usually comes with pressure, even when it's pretty.

And let's be candid: most of us don't pray, "Lord, what do You want?" We pray, "Lord, please bless what I already picked." That's not seeking God's will. That's asking Him to co-sign a loan we've already taken out.

Grace for the Detour

Now, before you throw your mug at the wall because you recognized yourself in one of these points, put the cup down and breathe. MissDebbyDeb did not come to condemn you. I came to tell you the truth. If you're living in the aftermath of a permitted choice, God is not finished with you.

God extended His permissive will and allowed Israel to have Saul as king, despite their rejection of His leadership. Yet God didn't abandon them. After Saul's failures, He established David, through whose lineage came Jesus Christ, the King of kings (Luke 1:32-33).

Here's the revelation: God didn't need Israel's rebellion to accomplish His purpose, but their rebellion couldn't defeat it either!

Permission is not endorsement, and redemption doesn't erase consequences. Yes, God can work it out, but much of life's turmoil could be avoided if we sought Him first and aligned with His will. So yes, God's grace can redeem our detours, but His wisdom can help us avoid them!

Romans 8:28 promises that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Notice it doesn't say all things are good. It says He works them together. Some of the ingredients in your life are bitter on their own. Flour by itself is dry. Baking soda by itself is not tasty. But put them in the Master Baker's hands and something rises.

Even Israel's king story has redemption in it. Saul failed, but God raised up David, a man after His own heart, and from David's line came Jesus. God took the very thing they demanded out of rebellion and wove His Messiah through it. That's not permission to rebel; that's proof of how good He is.

So yes, God can redeem a detour. He's done it for me. He'll do it for you. But let me ask you something with love: why settle for redeemed when you could walk in right the first time?

How to Find His Best (Not Just His Okay)

So how do we stop living on permission slips and start walking in His perfect will? Paul gives us the recipe in Romans 12:2: "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

Did you catch that? Israel's problem was conformity: like all the nations. Paul's answer is transformation. You don't find God's perfect will by praying louder. You find it by thinking differently. Here's how MissDebbyDeb breaks it down:

• Check your motive before you check the door. Ask yourself honestly: do I want this because God is leading, or because everybody else has one? If your answer sounds like Israel's, sit down.
• Read the warning label. God warned Israel before He let them have Saul. He's probably warned you too, through His Word, through wise counsel, through that uneasy feeling you keep calling "nerves." Stop scrolling past the fine print.
• Measure it against the Word. God will never lead you into what His Word already forbids. If you need a loophole to make it work, it's not His will. It's your will in a church hat.
• Let peace be the umpire. Colossians 3:15 says to let the peace of God rule in your hearts. Peace doesn't mean easy. It means settled. If the decision makes your spirit restless, don't make it yet.
• Be willing to wait. Perfect will usually takes longer, asks more of you, and makes less sense on paper. Saul showed up fast. David took years. Guess which one God was after.
• Pray the dangerous prayer. Not "Lord, bless my plan," but "Lord, not my will, but Thine." Jesus prayed it in Gethsemane (Luke 22:42). If it was good enough for Him, it's good enough for us.

Here's The Last Sip

God loves you too much to only give you what you can talk Him into. He has something better than permitted. He has purposed. It may come slower. It may not look like what everybody else has. It may not fit on your vision board. But it comes with His presence, not just His permission.

Stop asking what you can get away with. Start asking what He's pleased with. And the next time a door swings wide open and your heart starts racing, don't just walk through it. Pause long enough to ask: Lord, did You open this door, or did I kick it in?

A Prayer for the Woman Who Wants His Best

Father, I don't want what You'll merely tolerate. I want what You intended. Forgive me for the times I demanded a Saul when You were preparing a David. Renew my mind, quiet my insisting, and give me the patience to wait for Your best. Where I've already taken the detour, redeem it. Where I'm standing at a crossroads right now, lead me. Not my will, but Thine. In Jesus' name, amen.

Quotes To Share

• "Not everything God allows is something God authored."
• "You can get the thing and lose the peace."
• "Baby, the devil has keys too."
• "Perfect will comes with peace, even when it's hard. Permissive will comes with pressure, even when it's pretty."
• "Why settle for redeemed when you could walk in right the first time?"

Sip On This

• Is there something in your life you prayed for but never prayed about?
• Where is God giving you a warning label you keep scrolling past?
• What's one decision this week you'll pause and submit before you sign?

I am MissDebbyDeb — girl, we'll talk more in the next issue.